20 January 2015

Aila's 1.5 Year Mark

One and a half today! We celebrated with some lemon and blueberry cupcakes and sang "Happy half birthday to you~". The girls both loved the candles and singing in the dark ^_^

As always, these milestones are written in chronological order:

She walks!!! It didn't take long after her 1st birthday for her to start walking. Now she is walking here and there but only for short distances before toppling over.

She has an infatuation with mouths and is always trying to stick her fingers into others people's mouths.

She is the lightest sleeper everrr! I will put her to bed and lie down with her and every 5 minutes or so she will open her eyes to check if I am still there. She will also make sure that she is touching me just in case I decide to make a run for it. And if I do decide to try to escape, she will hear the sound of my knees cracking as I attempt to sit up which sounds like a tree falling in that situation, and she will hear it and know exactly what I am trying to do lol.

She loves it when I mimic her. We are always going back and forth in squeaks. She likes to switch it up a bit with the tone and thinks it's hilarious when I copy her. She also likes it when I copy her shaking her head. She copies me when I wiggle my tongue. Too easy to please this girl.

She can put her hands together when we say Gochisousamadeshita and can say the "ta" at the end.

She eats a LOT! I had to wean her off not long after she turned one because of medicine that I needed to take and ever since then, she has just been a little muncher! She can definitely eat more than Reia!

She can walk pretty fast now. Still a bit wobbly but she has picked up the pace. She says ee-ta-ee-ta as she walks which is her way of saying ichi-ni-ichi-ni (1-2-1-2).

She loves the movie Rio and can sing the chorus to the opening song. She also knows some other parts of the movie. She flaps her arms along during the songs (it's a movie about birds).

She said "Bye-Bye" and waved today! I think this is her first real word aside from mama, Aila, ba! and random things like a-pu-pu (which I think is from the Daruma-San song). She has also started singing the theme song to Rio!! I was so amazed! One day while ric was still here, she sung "Rio~ Rio~ All by itself." The last word was a bit questionable but the rest was definitely there! She lights up when I stick that DVD on. It's definitely her fav.

I know that she trusts me completely becaue if I stick her up somewhere high-ish, she will jump down straight into my arms without any prompting and sometimes when I am not ready yet! Haha she loves it.

She can separate thick book pages with her thumbs. I thought that was pretty cool because I haven't spent a lot of one-on-one time with her and books. But she knows!

She can copy words that I say. For example, peekaboo was bee-bee-boo lol. Not quite the same but I find it interesting to see how babies interpret the sounds around them.

She squeals really loud and in a high pitched voice when she is excited!

She has a new tooth! The poor girl teethes so slowly. The rate is about 1 tooth every 3 months! You can see the tooth buds in the gums but they just wont pop out.

I might have said this before, but I'll say it again, Aila can EAT! I thought I was going to have problems with her eating food because she was so picky when she was still breastfeeding, but once I cut off that supply, her appetite kept growing!

She has picked up signing!!! I tried teaching her how to say "more please" a while a go and kept at it for about 2 weeks but she didn't show any signs of understanding so I stopped. Then one day during dinner about 2 weeks later, I was feeding her and I said "more please" asking her if she wanted more, and she signed! I was so amazed!! I had forgotten all about that and somewhere in her little developing mind, she remembered and did it! I thought that maybe the sign was too complicated but she did it perfectly! Since then, I have been teaching her more signs and she can pick them up so fast now. On the Shinkansen on the way home to Tokyo, I taught her "one more," as in one more time. She can also sign "sleepy" and "niko niko" which means smile :) I am in the process of teaching her "nappy" when she wants to be changed. I am all ready dreading the toilet training process so hopefully this makes it a bit easier!

I think it's safe to say that she does not like bananas, kiwi fruit or anything mushy.

We went to Osaka to stay with Jun's family for a few days which was fun. While we were there, Aila learnt how to climb down the stairs. She can come down facing forwards and backwards.

She throws herself (forwards or backwards) when she is upset. Just in general, she will walk towards you and stop within her body's length and then throw herself at you. Her head butts pack a punch!

She scrunches her eyes up for prayers and can say "Amen" afterwards. She will repeat this over and over again! I love how she screws up her face but tries to look at me at the same time, it's so cute! I have been trying to encourage the girls to say prayers by enthusiastically putting my hand up and saying "Me! Me! Me!" after asking who wants to pray. They girls have picked it up too now and will both shout "Me! Me! Me!" Reia is a bit hesitant around people or when she is annoyed, but Aila hasn't gotten to that stage yet and will always volunteer herself.

I may have written this before, but she sings! She can sing the melodies and some words to her favourite tunes. The ones that she loves to sing regularly are Rio, Anpanman and Youkai Watch. She also knows "I am a child of God" and "Popcorn Popping."

She mimics me a lot and will just copy the things I do or say. She likes to say a-chi-chi (hot), Daddy, Mummy, Reia, Aila, mame (dame which means 'not allowed'), Apapa (Anpanman). She copies me when I cough.

She is always talking in her own language especially when she is upset. It is like she is trying to tell me what the matter is but I can't understand her! Reia sometimes talks back to her in baby babble and they have a full blown conversation.

Her hair is perfectly cropped the same length all the way around her head lol. I get asked often if I cut it that way but nope, we haven't cut her hair yet! It comes down to under her nose at the front.

She knows so much of the movie Rio and will follow along with it with great timing!

She can now drink from a cup without spilling it everywhere. Now we just need to work on her holding the cup!

She loves singing Row-Row-Row Your Boat (just like Reia did!) and can say "One more!" and will point at her cheek. Signing is proving to be very useful!

She is always singing something or pretending to read a book (usually upside down). I love hearing her little baby babble. The cutest thing! Her fav songs to sing are the opening songs for Rio, Totoro, Anpanman (she says Anpan di-di for the kimi part), Youkai Watch, Alphabet song, Old Mac Donald.

I thought she only had 8 teeth (4 up top and 4 down the bottom) but after a huge grin, I noticed that two sneaky canines have cut through up top. However, this leave a bit of a gap between the 4 front teeth and the canines. The tooth in that gap is almost out, just taking it's time. Her teeth are quite slow to come down and does cause her quite a bit of pain.

She says "hello!" when ever someone walks into the room. She can also say hi, dame, one more, no no, Aila, Mummy, Daddy, poo poo, wee wee, bee bee (nappy), and good girl (sounds more like gu-gir), ow, okay, open, close, yay, apple. If I say "Ready..." she will say "go!" afterwards. She understands a lot more of what I say too, like "wipe/blow your nose" and "put it back."

Her first coherent English sentence is "I did a poo poo" lol. She says it and smiles a cheeky smile :) You would think it would be something like "I'm hungry" or "I love you", but noo. "I did a poo poo" is the winner. Gotta love the way she says it though! So so cute!

She has recently taken an interest in small towels and will shake them, throw them, run around with them, drape them around her head and shoulders etc. She just randomly picked up a tea towel one day and started running around with it. Now she will dig into the tea towel pile and scatter them around all over the place. I have since then put up a barrier to the kitchen to keep it clean.

She gets into everything!! She's at that touchy stage and I am constantly putting books back on the shelves, clothes in the drawers, food in the pantry. She just loves taking things out of boxes and bags and strewing them all over the place.

She wakes in the middle of the night and will just cry. I have to tuck her in again and hold her hands so she can go back to sleep. Sometimes, she wanders over to Daddy's side of the bed and crawls in with him. She is always kicking off her blankets which has me worried because it's winter at the moment. I will sometimes wake to find her blanket-less and cold but sleeping soundly. I don't know how she does it!

She has started mimicking her big sister and has learnt "na-na-na-naa-na-pu~." Pu is the sound of a fart in Japanese lol and the way she says it is so funny. Whenever she says it in front of Japanese people, they always crack up laughing.

She is always up in my face saying "Hello!"

When I am getting her dressed, she can change whatever she is holding from one hand to the other so I can get her hands through the sleeves.

She now has 11 teeth with two more on the way! Poor thing, her teeth are pretty big and the teething process has not been kind to her. Her bottom front teeth are also starting to turn inwards.

When she is told off, she tries her best not to cry and will try to make me laugh to lighten the mood lol. It is so sad to see her on the brink of tears! But she still has a lot to learn.

She refuses to let me feed her sometimes which is frustrating for me when dinner is something like curry. She smears it everywhere!

She loves necklaces and all things necklace-like. You will always see her with something around her neck. Gotta keep an eye on this girl!

Hates hot food and hates waiting for it to cool down. If I tell her it's still hot, she'll throw her head back. I think she has been a little too hasty one too many times lol.

She is such a cute little girl with a perfectly shaped natural bob. She is always smiling and running around with her eyes to the sky. She is fearless and with take things head on (literally). She is always rolling, jumping, climbing, toppling over things and has the most infectious laugh.

Happy 1 and a half little girl <3

10 January 2015

Twelve Weeks

On January 9, 2015, at about 5:50pm, our 3rd baby left us and went back to our Heavenly Father.

I had been having lower back pain and period-like cramps the night before and even started bleeding a little. Jun gave me a blessing and we all went to sleep. I bled with my other two, but this time was different. I went to sleep, but Reia woke me in the middle of the night to go toilet and since that time, I couldn't sleep because the pain from the cramps was so strong. They didn't feel like cramps anymore, they felt more like contractions. I think by morning I believed that I was having a miscarriage. I lay down as much as I could in between feeding the girls and tried to cope with the waves of contractions. In my mind, the baby had already passed and my body was just doing it's job of flushing it out. At one point during the day, I thought, am I doing enough? Should I be doing more? I really didn't know what to do at a time like this. Jun and I were supposed to go to the clinic the next day and I honestly thought, what difference would one day make? I know what they're going to say. I should just wait. But something nagged at my mind so I put it to my Mums FB group and told them that I thought I was miscarrying. All of them told me to go get checked so I spoke to Jun and he also thought the same and asked Micchan if she could take us to the clinic. She came and dropped me off and I went in. When the Dr. gave me an internal ultrasound I wasn't expecting anything but the first thing he said was 「でかいな〜!」which means "It's so big!" and I immediately perked up and thought "What? What's big?" I searched for the monitor on the wall and there was the baby! It was moving around like it was fine and it even waved it's arm around as if to say "Hi Mum!" I felt so relieved in that moment thinking we were going to be ok. The baby was still alive! This must just be some pre-bleeding like I had with Reia and Aila! I got a photo to keep and was told to return the next week with my Mother Book. I was still contracting the whole time I was there and was issued 3 types of medicine to stop the bleeding and contractions.

We got home and I took the medicine and lay down again. I was Skyping with Mum and Pup because I was excited that I saw that baby and that it was still alive! I even told my group on FB, "It's alive!" I thought for sure that we were going to be ok and would be having another baby on the 1st of August 2015. Even as I was chatting with Mum and Pup, I was still having contractions and they were getting stronger and closer together. Mum was telling me to breathe through them. At the time I thought, I have taken the medicine, the baby is still alive, I'm OK. It was then that I thought I had better check on the girls in the living room to see if they were alright so I got up and peered in and Reia was watching TV and Aila was playing with my silk flowers. It looked like she was about to bite one of the buds off. I snuck back into my room and knelt down to get back into bed and as I landed, I felt this glob of jelly move inside me and thought "Omg was that the placenta?" I was on my hands and knees now and all of a sudden and I just felt that same blob come out of me. My heart stopped and I checked my knickers. I looked down and I couldn't make it out at first but in my heart, I knew what it was. I kept saying "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, Mum, Mum", and she was saying "What!" But I think she knew too as I was almost crying. I said "The baby came out" and we both broke down in tears. I looked down closer and the baby had come out in it's amniotic sac with the fluid still in it. It was just lying there in it's little bubble. And then it kicked and moved. Pup was telling me to pick it up so I did and I held it in my right hand in it's fluid and everything. It moved and kicked again and I didn't know what to do. It was still alive! Does this mean it can survive? Surely it can't but what if?? I just didn't know what to do and Mum was telling me to talk to it but all I could say was "I'm sorry, baby" over and over again. As I was talking and crying, the liquid from the sac started to leak out until it was empty and the baby stopped moving and went cold. It was about 2 inches long from head to tailbone. It looked like a perfectly healthy little fetus for it's stage. Two eyes, a nose, a mouth, two arms, two legs... and it had moved in front of my eyes. I sat there for a while crying and crying while looking at this baby that could have been. I was definitely in shock. I said goodbye to Mum and Pup as Jun had come home. Jun told me he kinda knew it had passed because I had Facebooked him saying "I'm sorry, the baby, it's too late." He expected there to be a lot of blood and no baby, but when he walked in and saw me holding the baby in my hand, he became overwhelmed and broke down and hugged me. It was a lot for him to take in too.

Jun called Micchan back up and told her what had happened and asked if she could take us to the ER so I could be checked out. She came over and helped clean up the blood a bit and offered to take the girls for the night which we were grateful for. This was their first night away from us. I hope they were ok. So she took us to the hospital ER and I had to bring the placenta and fetus with me. When I walked in the room, I tried to shield/protect the baby from prying eyes. It was in a rice bowl with a bit of water and I put the rice bowl in a container. I wanted to bury the baby somewhere or commemorate it somehow so I was determined to bring the baby back with me. I was wheeled into Room 14 and met the Doctor. He asked me questions about my miscarriage symptoms and the baby. I was then asked to take my pants off and sit on a pink chair with stirrups. As soon as I sat down a big gush of blood came out and bled all of the chair. They assured me it was fine and to just let it. First the doctor checked to see if everything was out with what I imagined to be like a metal shoe horn or something and some tongs. Next he checked with the probe to see what was going on inside. He said that all the placenta and sac and everything were gone and all that was left was a lining of blood and that would come out over the course of 5 days or so. We were then given a choice about what to do with the baby. I had had it in my mind to bring it home but he was saying that the hospital could examine it to see the cause of death. The more that we spoke about it, the harder it seemed to bring the baby home. Of course I wanted to do something for it but on the other hand, what would that be? In Japan, you can't just bury something. You could just do it when no one is around, but when I thought about it, where would that be? I thought about putting it in a pot on the veranda and planting something with it, but what if it went wrong? What if there were bugs or the plant died? It might be kind of weird for it to just be there as a reminder. We could bury it somewhere outside, but that felt kind of sad and lonely all by itself. Even the thought of taking it home with me was depressing enough. I would have to wake up to it again and be reminded of what happened. It was depressing. In the end we decided to give it to the hospital. I felt that the memories I had were enough and I didn't want them tainted with something else. I took a photo of it before I left that I will never show anyone and will just be for Jun and I to remember. I am glad that I didn't have to wake up to a dead baby today. That would have been terrible.

After the hospital, Jun suggested that we eat somewhere. I had zero appetite for food but noticed that my tolerance of food smells was lightening and it wasn't so horrendous anymore. It didn't necessarily smell good, but I could discern what was smelling instead of it smelling like one disgusting blur of a smell. I smelt fried food, tobacco, and hospital. My body started changing back so quickly. We decided to go to Grachie, a Japanese Italian restaurant. I didn't find anything on the menu appealing at all. We both decided on the all you can eat pizza service, plus a main, and dessert. He got the scallop pasta and I got the carbonara (good choice I must say!). My taste buds were a lot more sensitive to tastes. I had a sip of a regular Japanese orange drink and it tasted different than it usually did. It had this weird sour kick at the end that I didn't like. I asked Jun to get me a different drink and the next one he brought out was a lot better. It tasted like Just Juice Bubbles! I drank 2 of those lol. I was very aware that I might not be able to eat much because my morning sickness had been so bad, but I wanted to give it a go anyway. The first round of pizza came to the table it and was thin and cheesy. I bit into it and oh my gosh it was so good!!! I had been craving food like this for weeks and weeks and finally I was able to eat it and actually like it! Cheesy goodness! I was happy. Sitting there in the restaurant and discovering all these new flavours with Jun was, in a way, therapeutic. We reconnected with each other, talked about the baby, talked about the what-ifs, and more importantly what we learnt and will do differently next time. This pregnancy was really hard on both of us and we hadn't connected as a couple since I got sick. He was in over his head trying to take care of the girls and the house, cooking, cleaning, dealing with his cold etc. It was a lot for him and he was struggling. I was feeling guilty locking myself in my room and I felt resented by him. Like this was all my fault and why wasn't I doing more. Anyways, during dinner I told him that the next time I am pregnant I am going to be more selfish and will take care of myself and the baby. This time I know he understood why I was saying that. It takes more than one person to care for an unborn baby. There is the Mother and everyone else around the her making sure she and her family are taken care of. I am definitely going to focus more on my body and baby rather than peoples feelings. This could mean life or death and I know that now. He also now understands what it takes to be able to take care of a household. It isn't easy! It is a lot of work that most of the time goes unnoticed. This whole experience has been a great lesson to us as parents and as a couple. I feel like we are now more on the same page and have an understanding of one another. We talked all night about nothing and everything. It was full of stories and we just enjoyed each others company. It had been a while since we talked like that. It was a roller coaster of emotions that day.

After Reia came back from our friend's house, she was so happy to see us but sad at the same time. We left them at the ER pretty abruptly without any explanation. She hugged me, cried and asked if I was ok. My heart broke when she asked "Is the baby in your tummy okay?" That caught me off guard and I had to tell her that the baby had to go.

Even though I am still coming to terms with what happened, I am grateful that I at least got to meet my baby and have an ultrasound photo of it to keep forever. It was only a short period of time but boy did we learn a lot from this child. Baby taught us a lesson that we will cherish always. And all of his or her future brothers or sisters will benefit because of it.

Love you always, my baby.

Your Mummy.

01 January 2015

My Start to 2015

So.. I'm pregnant again! This time around, was not so excited. With two girls already I was very much spread thin and so the thought of another morsel running around sends a few chills down my spine. I have not really come to terms with it yet still. I am about 10 weeks now and suffering terribly from morning sickness.

I can't bare the smell of the living room with all the food smells going on that I have confined myself to my room for a few weeks now. Of course it had to hit right around Christmas. I could only barely stand being in the living room thankfully because Jun had cut up fresh fruit and the smell of pineapple cut through everything else which made it just bearable. But when he reheated some meatball leftovers, kindly made by his Mother, I had to retreat back to my room. I must say it was very hard for me to not be able to do anything over Christmas. The girls loved it though. They are still young enough to enjoy anything and everything. Reia loves the thought of Santa and the first thing she said when she woke up was, "Mummy, we open presents now?" We only bought a couple things online the week before so there was not much under the tree. Poor Jun got nothing and I wasn't expecting anything either, but of course he got me some body stuff that I can't wait to try. Reia got an AIUEO puzzle set, a new dress from her Oma and a new winter top top her Obaachan. She especially loved her Youkai Watch DVD box set! That was all she was jabbering about. Aila got some Anpanman building blocks which she loves stuffing into the dining table drawers. Jun did such a good job. He prepared the breakfast platters and cooked up a mean feed of steak, salmon, and prawns for dinner with cake and ice cream for dessert. I didn't eat anything and the girls only ate a little so he pretty much had made his meals for the next couple days. 

New Years was even more less festive. The girls fell asleep early which was expected, I was in my room watching the last few episodes of Master Chef Australia and Jun was in the living room watching the New Year tv shows. After I finished the Master Chef series, I looked at the clock and it was 12:03. I had missed the countdown completely lol. I held my breath to not smell the smells beyond my room and went to the living room to say Happy New Year to Jun and he too had lost track of time. So we welcomed the new year separately but are ok with it. There is nothing we can do about the morning sickness. We just have to wait it out. He has been doing so much for us, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the girls. I feel so useless. I can't wait to be back on my feet!

So far I have recently figured out that I can eat fresh pineapple, fruit yogurt, and chicken noodles. I try to steer away from the savoury though because throwing that up is the worst. This time around is definitely not as bad as with Aila. That was the worst 2 months of my life! I could not hold down anything and was just constantly throwing up. At one point I lost 10 kgs in 2 weeks. This time around I have lost the same, about 10 kgs but it has been over the course of a month. So still hard but at a slower rate. I have been craving foods that of course are only on the other side of the world in New Zealand or are not in season right now (but are in season in New Zealand/Australia) like plums and mangoes. I am also craving foods that aren't recommended for pregnant women. Typical. I would love a chicken roll from the bakery, a custard pie, a steak and cheese pie, lift plus, black licorice, liver pate, soft cheeses, raw fish, fresh mayo and aioli sauce with kumara chips, fish and chips, eggs benedict, sushi, a lamb doner kebab etc etc. I think it's dumb there are so many restrictions. I understand why, but I feel like it comes down to common sense. If a chicken roll has been left to sit all day on a shelf, obviously don't eat it. If it is freshly made, I see no problem. Same goes for custard pies and sushi. In Japan, pregnant women still eat raw fish. I think because it is pretty fresh and the handling standards may be slightly higher. They also eat raw egg! Licorice is bad in big amounts, but a piece or two here and there is fine. I would do anything for a big juicy red Australian mango right now! 

I am going back home to New Zealand in April and I cannot WAIT! In the state I am in now, all I can do is dream of food and wait to go home and eat it all! Lol. I need a big crisp and juicy granny smith apple!!! They don't sell those here. I need a sausage roll, butter chicken, pork belly, Whittaker's chocolate, a bundaberg, some lift, some fresh'n fruity apricot yoghurt!! That 10 kgs I lost will be back before ya know it!

One thing that I can't help but worry about is the baby. I have not been able to go to the doctors yet because I can barely walk, yet alone get out of the house. Before I knew I was pregnant, I went to the hospital for an MRI on my spleen. They found a massive cyst growing from it. To make the pictures more clear, they had to use a medicine which is not recommended for pregnant women... I had that medicine in my system while I was pregnant... I am so worried for my baby's development and scared that he or she will develop abnormally because I was not on to it enough. At that time I would have been 3 weeks, barely 4, so even if I had taken a test, it may have been too early to tell. I am just kicking myself, fearing the worst. I have prayed and prayed for my baby but I will never know until he or she is born or until she is big enough for the ultra sound to detect any abnormalities. I am hoping to get my first scan this month. Hopefully I will be well enough to get out of the house and to the doctors. Over here they use the probing method in the first few months which I hate. And the doctor is of course a man and there are nurses all on the other side of the curtain looking. I am hoping that by the time I go, I will be far along enough to start using the ultrasound machine.

That is where I am at the start of 2015! Hopefully things will start to look a bit brighter as the year progresses! Bring on April already! I am ready to go home!