28 October 2010

Ohhh, the Things You Learn at School...

For those of you that don't know, I teach English in Japan at a middle school. Today was the school's 10th anniversary and to celebrate, we all froze our neenee's off together as we sat in the refrigerated gym. Whoever came up with that idea deserves a plate of whipped cream to the face.

So we sat there formally and bowed at the appropriate times when guests names were mentioned, which in this case was about 200 times. Some kids were so rigorous when bowing that they became perfectly parallel with the floor each time. Rigid right angles, as if the dust swirling beneath them became the most fascinating form of atoms on the planet. Then we heard from a bunch of people, all in Japanese by the way which I don't understand. This did not help with my concentration. 

All of that was fine and dandy, despite the tiny icicles forming under my nose, chin, and elbows. But once the certificates were given out and all the songs were sung (and after sitting in the meat locker for two hours), a lady spoke to us about whales and dolphins, of all topics. If it wasn't for the big slideshow behind her, I wouldn't have had a clue as to what she was going on about.

Now, I'm sure that there was some logical reason for speaking about water mammals, some kind of motivational "You can achieve!!"-type message... but as I was watching the video presentation of a dolphin giving birth while doing somersaults and pirouette's in the water with all the grace of an aquatic ballerina, and while baby dolphin oozed out of her womanly dolphin... parts, all that was going through my mind was "What... the... ffffffeotus??" I mean, who plays home videos of animals in the wild giving birth at a middle school's 10 year anniversary assembly??? Seriously???

The lady must have seen the bewildered look on my face because she rewound the tape and played it back to us again. Geez. 


  1. Dani, you're too funny. When I was in Okinawa they played a gameshow on tv. All the boys dressed like girls (makeup and all) and all the girls dressed like boys for the premiere... AWKWARD! lol

  2. bwahahahahahaha!!!! Dani your blog is so funny! Hope you know all about birthing dolphins now!

  3. omgosh way funny. lol at 'feotus.' so different from our assemblies . . .